its been hard living on my own it seemed like I was cornered all my stress went right out the window...
http://randkowicze.c0.pl/RobertPhillips15.html now nobody disrespects me this will be worth your time

October resolution!

Time to get a real job.............

I have decided that it is time to go out and get a real job. Part-time to start, then we shall see how it goes.

I plan on keeping my bookkeeping clients so between them and something that takes taxes out, I should be able to get some savings started up.

Then you never know what awaits me........

I love you Ben

It's been a very sad time for me, even the joy has not been able to penitrate the blackness.

A little over a year ago I met a man. Not more than a boy really, but he was a man to me. I was having problems with home, working a lot and I was lonely.
We started to see each other, intimately.
Then we started to date, dinner, talks, walks, holding hands, karaoke nights and more intimacy.
I fell in love with him.
He said he loved me.
After about 6 months of being together I decided I was going to break my ties at the home and move on and be with him.

Well, that didn't work out as planned. He wasn't ready to leave his GF and I guess deep down I wasn't ready to move on either.

So I stayed with the one at home and he with his GF.

We tried seeing each other for a few more months, but it eventually fell apart. The last time I saw him was around his birthday in April. We went to dinner, our favorite restaurant, and then I decided I was going to stay the night. His brother had other plans and the situation got uncomfortable so I calmly got dressed, kissed him on the forehead and went home.
It was about a month later when we talked again.

He apologized for his behavior, his brother did too. We laughed about it all and caught up on what was going on. I told him to call soon and we could catch dinner one night.

He did call back, a couple months later, in August, around the 12th I would say. I was happy to hear from him....we made plans for dinner the next week. I asked him to call me the next Monday to set it all up, but that it had to be Tuesday or Wednesday because I was going to be buzy the rest of the week.

He didn't call.

Thursday the 20th I was at the hospital with my daughter, she was in labor with her first child and I got a phone call.

It was a sad call. He died. On the Monday.

I wanted to see him and hold him and tell him that I loved him, but I couldn't and I still can't.

I still can't go into places we went, I can't see his brother, I can't say good-bye.
I loved him, I really loved him and he is gone.

and I am so sad, it hurts..............

I want..............

I want it all...every freaking one of them.

Size 1X please!


http://www.dangerkittyfashions.com/queen-plus-sizes/dresses-clubwear/cat_43.html

What's new?

Hey, What's new?

Glad you asked..........


I quit the bar business.....in January.

I started up with my business...again. I do books for small businesses. I fix the mess that the previous bookkeeper left behind when they quit. I have 4 regular clients. Three I see almost daily and the 4Th just likes me to reconcile his checkbook. I get paid OK, but there are days I am broke.

I recently registered to take the exam for a Notary Commission. Not quite sure what I was thinking. I live in Louisiana. It's a total different world here. I may have bit off a little more than I can chew. But I am still gonna try it, I am studying my butt off. It's actually very interesting and I am learning a lot.

I am also studying to be Quick books Certified. Once I pass that exam, "EASY!", I will be able to teach people how to use Quick books. I plan to teach individually and to have an evening class at a high school or one of the colleges each semester. Now that would be a kick.

I got dinner to cook and books to study....

Later!

So Ready! I may be back...ya think........?

Ohhhmygoshyathinkitcanbesoooooooooooooooooo!


Am I back?


Think about it really.

Would my vanity really let it go as I left it?

SHIT NO!!!!






I am sober, now what I write about isn't impaired.

Hmmmm!!!!

Total, uninfluenced sarcasm...are you ready?

Gosh I am a BITCH!

New Blog

http://vixiebitch.blogspot.com/

It's been a ride I tell ya!

Well, it's been a while. Par for the course with me over the last year, I guess.

Get used to my inability to be consistent!

Since my last post the world has changed....My World at least.
I did get my car back, with little help from the police. I was able to track down a buddy of the thief and with his help found my car. He ended up driving me up to the town it was in and helping me with the recovery. A small fee of 126 bucks for the tow service and a chat with the local authorities and I was back home with my car in less than 4 hours.
As far as I know, he is still on the loose. He will not be arrested for car theft, since because he was living at my apartment it is defined as "Implied Use" by Louisiana Law....sounds like horse shit to me. But he does have a Federal warrant on him for the theft of my Bursa .380, which he did take without my permission. And a few other warrants for his arrest, theft of personal property from several members of my family and he left evidence of drugs in my car. Ass-Wipe!!!!

My son ended up going to jail for all of his shenanigans over the last couple years. He got six months in County. He no longer speaks to me, since I would not assist in his running from the sentence, but I get my information from his sister and she is very truthful to me when it concerns him. He ended up serving 3 1/2 months and is currently out on parole and as his sister informs me, he is back to his old tricks. Some people just never learn.

My daughter is doing well. She has started the enrollment process for College and hopes to start in the fall. She intends to major in Business. She and her (Blah) Boyfriend seem to be getting along and he claim to be supportive in her furthering her education. He also claims they are engaged and hope to be married by next year...again (Blah!). What can I do....NOTHING!

As for me....well, I left the bar business and took a job in Florida.

Shock!

I still have my apartment in NOLA, for now, and I commute back and forth a few times a month. I still maintain a couple clients in the NOLA area and I like to visit with friends and family to aid in the stress relief of this new job. New Job....I am running a Brand New Construction Firm! Brand NEW! There have been many a kinks to work out, but I think they are starting to listen to me and things are getting smoother by the day. To be honest, the main reason I took on the job was to get the Heck out of the city. It was either do it or drown.....my joy of the city pretty much died after the car thing. My ability to trust was damaged again and I needed an out.
So I took it and I ran with it.

Now....I am so glad I did it. I have my little tube in the woods. Tubular 14' x 72'. On a spacious 2 1/2 acre cleared lot and an additional 2 1/2 that only the wildlife roam. I have humping rabbits in my scrubs out back. I have a clothes line that I hang my laundry on. I don't have but 4 TV channels and the only stations on the radio are country. It's a 15 mile drive to the nearest grocery and you have to buy your liquor in the next county, so stock up. I am usually in bed and asleep by 10pm and up at 5am. This is my life.

Awesome ain't it!

Now she is gone

This has probably been one of the roughest periods in my life.

Yup, just one of them.

As my Dad said to me the other day. "Sweet heart, I love you, but you sure can pick them."

What does that mean you ponder........Well I shall tell you.

Remember that guy I was so bubbling about and having so much fun with, learning about, etc. Well he is gone. He left Friday the 16th and nobody has seen nor heard from him. Funny he left all his belongings at my apartment and his car in the shop.

Oh, you ask how he left. I shall tell you.......He has my Brand New Car. You got it, he stole my car. The car I had yet to post about. The car I purchased on the 25th of January. FUCK!

Isn't life so wonderful. I am just so FUCKING Happy right now.

I do have a small fear that something has happened. Why you ask........I shall tell you. Not only does he have my car, he took my .380 for a ride too.

Seriously, I don't want the man to be hurt or worse. I just want him in JAIL! That is after I castrate him.....SHIT, he never used it on me anyway, he don't need it!

So, now I wait. I wait on the police to find him, find my car, find my gun and I wait on the insurance company to allow me a rental. I wait and wait.

Thank Goodness I have friends. I thank you from my whole heart, not just the bottom.....all of it.

Almost Missed

The previous post was written on the 4th of December and saved as a draft, I guess I meant to get back to it and wallow in self pity for awhile.
I wasn't doing so well mentally back then.
My children had tried my patience to the point of breaking, the holidays coming up, disappointment in where I was with my jobs, business and I was having Florida issues. I believe that I was psyching myself up to move to Florida and settle in something that was not totally me.

And then after some thought, I realized it didn't completely fit. It was like a half fit and the rest was not quite, but it would do.

Thank goodness I woke up and realized it. To think if I hadn't.

So where have I been for two months other than thinking and realizing? Well, let me tell ya.

On December 12th I got a call to work a shift for an injured bartender. I had no plans, other than a nice bottle of wine, a few loads of laundry and a movie.
So I get to the bar and soon realize that the movie at home would have been more exciting. The place was deadsville. I am groaning to myself and trying to be entertaining to a couple of very boring customers when the door opens and "He" walks in.
He orders a beer, a Tequila sunrise and a Patron and Pineapple. I asked if he wanted them all at once or for me to stagger them. He looked at me and told me to bring them all.
I saw a sadness in his eyes, an anger, a frustration and way deep in there was a hurt so deep that it left scars.
I smiled my biggest smile and served his drinks. He downed the beer and then took a sip of his sunrise. He grimmised and asked if I was trying to get him loaded.
I smiled again and said, "Darlin, if I was trying to get you loaded, I would have asked for your phone number first!"
He laughed. And I felt his laugh from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. It was warm and genuine and I knew I wanted to hear it again and again.
I walked around the bar, making sure all the other customers were full and by the time I got around to him, he looked up, spun his phone around and said, "Put your number in".

He didn't have to ask twice.

We talked on the phone the next day.
More on the phone the day after that.
Went out the evening of the 3rd day to the wee hours of the morning(Friday the 15th).
Again on the 4th day(Saturday the 16th).
He met my family Christmas.
He moved in on the 3rd of January.

Fast. Yes. Crazy. YES!

And I am loving every moment.

And To think, I almost missed it all.